Log in

03 June 2011 @ 09:54 pm
I got a BFP today and instead of being super happy I am TERRIFIED.  My miscarriage back in December really messed me up.  I honestly don't know how I could handle another loss like that.  I should be about 4 weeks... still super early.  Still plenty of time for an early miscarriage... after I get to the second trimester I will be a little more at ease, but that's the middle of August... it's going to be a long couple of months... 

I hope this one sticks.  I really really do... one of my best friends from high school actually found out she's pregnant today too, so we will be due right around the same time.  I already have another friend from high school who got pregnant the same time I did last time and so now I'm going to have to see all the pictures of her new baby and think about how I should be holding my baby too... I really don't want to have to do that twice.  

Hopefully luck is on my side this time around.  *crosses fingers*
Current Mood: scaredscared
Hellenic Rhymems_hecubus on June 4th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
It is really hard. I wish you luck.
Amberazalea581 on June 4th, 2011 02:32 am (UTC)
i'm sending you lots of sticky baby vibes!!
Celesterunningnekkid on June 4th, 2011 02:43 am (UTC)
The only way I got through my subsequent pregnancy was to really cherish every single day that I was still pregnant. Every day was a triumph and I treated it like that. When I got to my scary spots, 22 weeks when I lost my son and 26 weeks when my premature son was born (he's fine now), I was a wreck and had to really take it easy and talk a lot. My daughter is 3 months old now and not a day goes by that I don't look at her in awe, knowing that she truly is a miracle.

I also have a friend who was due at the same time I was due with my stillborn son. Her daughter is precious to me because I think that my son would be at her developmental stage if he hadn't been lost. It's so hard and I have a good cry every time I see her, though. So I can really relate to having friends due around your due date and then watching them go on. It's awful. I sincerely hope that you do not have to go through that again.

Wishing you the very best of luck. Take care.
*yolen*yolen on June 4th, 2011 03:19 am (UTC)
I was terrified, too, with my pregnancy that resulted in my son. After the loss that occurred a few months before we got pregnant with him coupled with infertility...I didn't find myself believing we'd have a baby till I was 34 weeks along. I hope all will be well for you this time around!
Emilyemily25069 on June 4th, 2011 08:16 am (UTC)
I've been there.

I also had a miscarriage in December. I got pregnant again in February and I am 20 weeks along. Everything measures perfectly and is right on target. Baby is boy.

I *still* have fears that things will not be okay. Subsequent pregnancies are so hard.

I did rent a doppler at about 13 weeks and used it to check the heartbeat until I was feeling movement. That helped quite a bit during those days when symptoms start to fade and I wasn't feeling pregnant anymore.

I wish the best to you. Hopefully you will be holding your little one this coming winter.

smldada9801smldada9801 on June 4th, 2011 01:10 pm (UTC)
best wishes for a happy, healthy 9 months.
Creepyourheroinfix on June 4th, 2011 04:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you all. Your stories have made me feel a little better.
Sarahyellowitchgrl on June 5th, 2011 07:39 pm (UTC)
praying for a healthy birth in 9 months!!